Lacking Motivation

They say that procrastination is the thief of time. But I would dare to say that procrastination is also thief of dreams. So many times, we want to receive the best, but we often put off or fail to discipline ourselves to take the necessary steps to obtain it.

A question I’m often asked by students (particularly young men) is, “How come it’s so hard to get and stay motivated towards your goals?” They usually go on to say, “It’s not like I don’t want to be successful, but sometimes I just don’t ‘feel’ like doing what needs to be done; I’m just going through the motions.”

I can hear the frustration, and often disappointment, in their voice as they seek to understand what that secret key or formula is for “staying motivated.” I have to assure them that “lacking motivation” is actually normal, and there’s nothing wrong with them. Unfortunately, there’s no secret cure to procrastination or mental laziness, but there is a way to break out it and that’s through awareness and understanding.

See, the first step to solving any problem is to admit you have one. The next step after that is gaining an understanding of the root cause of the problem. I once heard a saying, “If you’re not happy with the fruit (what you’re producing in your life), you must change the root (i.e., what you’re planting in your life)." So, if you’re like me and you’re not afraid to acknowledge that you suffer from chronic procrastination, then we can explore (together) why we actually do it.

At the risk of oversimplifying the problem, the main reason most people procrastinate is either they lack a strong enough reason (i.e., a purpose or pleasure to be gained - called your "WHY") or they associate too much pain to actually doing it. For the sake of simplification, let’s pick something many young men struggle with when it comes to a lack of motivation or chronic procrastination: success in school/college. Allow me to explain how procrastination steals our motivation to succeed.

Success in school is NOT based on a student's IQ, but rather his I WILL. And unfortunately, most students lack a strong I WILL (even the smartest ones) because they don't have a strong enough "WHY" for succeeding in school. Your "WHY" for anything is the key to your success, not only in school/college, but also in life.

See, once you have a strong "WHY" for doing something, the "HOW to do it" becomes very easy or fairly obvious. So what I'm saying (and I hope I don't lose you) is that whenever we use the excuse, “I don't know HOW to do something (successfully) or WHY I’m not motivated to do it," it’s because we haven't developed a strong of enough WHY for doing it in the first place. Your WHY (whether to avoid pain or gain pleasure) will always “motivate” you to figure out a way. Allow me to show you this concept in action.

I was the first person in my family to graduate from high school - let alone go to college. And I wanted to go to college, but I had no clue how to succeed if I ever got there (I barely graduated from high school). But my WHY for going to college became:

"To move my mother out of the projects and to become a positive example for my younger sister."

Was that WHY strong enough? For me, Yes! It motivated me to graduate early from college at the top of my class and got me voted "Student of the Year" in my major. Not only did I move my mother out of the projects (a year after I graduated), my younger sister went on to become the first doctor in our family. The HOW revealed itself after I got to college (not before). And that WHY pushed me through my battles with procrastination and kept me motivated (consistently).

My point is this, if you see mediocre results in your life, always check your WHY. More than likely, mediocre results spring from a mediocre WHY (or misdirected one). Great results usually spring from a great WHY. Just look back on history - Martin Luther King Jr., Mahatma Ghandi, Mother Theresa, etc. Even Oprah Winfrey and Halle Berry. Strengthen your WHY and you'll strengthen your results. Yes, it's that simple.

I must also note, there's actually no such thing as a "wrong" (or even "right") WHY; there's only weak ones and strong ones (to you). See, what's right for me could be wrong for you (and vice versa). Moving your family out of the ghetto may not "motivate" you. However, when it comes down to it, a STRONG WHY will motivate you to break records (or laws) and a WEAK WHY won't. Does that make sense?

Well, if you need someone to review your WHY statement, let me know. Just email it to me (jmartin@rwuniversity.com) to review, and I'll take you through the test to see if it's "strong" enough to motivate you (I have my ways - ☺). In the meantime, stay strong, stay motivated, and stay in His grip!

Turning Your Life Around

People who know me, know that I’ve endured many hardships in my life. As difficult as I’ve had it, I know deep in my heart my life could’ve been much worse - because I’ve seen others who’ve had it (life) a lot worse.

Having survived and endured, abuse, addiction, poverty, the death of loved ones, violence, divorce, insecurity, and the effects of alcoholism (just to name a few), I’ve been blessed to have had (and still do) the unconditional support of my family through all of my trials and tribulations (even when I didn't always appreciate them). Because as I suffered through the hurt and pain of my life, I soon discovered that hurting people (who don’t seek help) usually turn around and hurt others or even themselves (and in my case both).

Picking up the pieces from all the hurtful mistakes you’ve made and the people you’ve hurt is a burden I wouldn’t wish on any person. But “staying the course” after you’ve “changed direction” can be equally as challenging. Trust me, I know.
With that being said, I want to address a topic I know is close to a lot of men’s hearts after they’ve “turned their lives around” and are now trying to “live right” and grow spiritually and emotionally as mature men.

See, I’ve struggled with my own spiritual growth (still do), having lost my way on several occasions. But I thank God for His mercy and His grace. No matter which direction we choose to go in life, God mercifully allows us to make U-turns (before we hit “dead ends”). And for that, I’m eternally grateful.

During one of the toughest moments in my “spiritual re-growth” God revealed to me a plan (more like a formula) to help me get out of my rut, back on track, and at the same time, stay the course. I want to share with you that formula, and hopefully, it helps you “find you way” back home if you ever lose your way. It’s simple to understand, but often difficult to apply. Here it is…

1. Surrender
2. Submit
3. Pray
4. Obey

That’s it. Simple, huh? Well, allow me to explain each step as you see how you can apply it to your life.

First, when I was at my lowest point (emotionally and spiritually), I found myself saying things like, “God I’m trying to do the best I can, but I keep falling and failing. It just seems like I can’t do (make) it.” That’s when God spoke to my heart and said, “Good Joe, NOW I can help you.” See, God was waiting for me to SURRENDER my perceived control over the situation (my life). I had to realize that I couldn’t do it alone. I’ve tried on several occasions, and it just didn’t work. So I adopted this new phrase:

“God I can’t, but YOU can. Will you please help me?”

Once you do this, you’ll soon realize that the help you need will come in ways you’ve never imagined (through people, a change in your circumstances, new opportunities, opportune timing, etc.). You just have to surrender.

Second, when I accepted the fact that I needed help and I couldn’t “fix things” alone, I realized that I had to take the next step: do it God’s way, not MY way. In otherwords, SUBMIT. See, as human beings, we don’t just want “things,” we want things “our” way. I had to accept the fact that God’s way is infinitely better than my way. So I had to adopt the following new phrase:

“God not MY will, but YOUR will be done; not MY way, but YOUR way; and not for my reasons, but for YOUR reasons.”

Third, knowing that I couldn’t do it alone and His way was better than mine, I found that I didn’t know HOW to carry out His will (it seemed so difficult). You can usually figure out when it’s God’s way – because you know it’s the right way, but it usually makes you uncomfortable doing it; because you’re not used to doing it His way. So again, I needed help. So I had to PRAY – and this is what I said (and still say):

“God, please give me the strength and show me HOW to do it YOUR way.”

Lastly, after surrendering, submitting, and praying, the answer was clear (on what to do and what needed to be done). The only question left was, “Am I willing to do it?” I am sure you’ve heard the saying, “God will never do for you that which you can do for yourself.” He’ll show you the door (even pry it open for you), but YOU must make a decision to walk through it. I call this “action through obedience.” That’s why the toughest step is always the first one. After surrendering, submitting, and praying, I had to OBEY; so I said to God, boldly:

“Yes, I will…starting NOW! I will obey you.”

This process has never failed me. Like adding 2+2, it’s always going to be 4. However, the one thing I learned as I used this formula to climb out of deep spiritual holes in my life, is that this isn’t a one-time process…it’s a life-long process. I must do it over and over again whenever I see myself getting off the “straight and narrow” path (of what I know is right).

I hope you find life in these words, and I hope you continue to seek truth that speaks to your Spirit. If you have questions, you can always write me. Stay strong, stay in His grip, and as always, live purposefully.